I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, and I’m glad this word helps you. Sounds like there is a sobering reality that comes into focus for you when you use this word — and I celebrate that. I’m sure this perspective will (and does) help others — and I celebrate that too.

I also want to bring in an opposing perspective.

I actually have other reasons to reject the word. I’m not defending my ego. I don’t think I’m better or less bad than anyone else — I do however find this term inaccurate and unhelpful.

I also lost a friend to alcohol. In this case she identified as an alcoholic for years and years. And struggled under the shame of everything that was wrong with her — and never did she blame alcohol. I think she kept up with her episodic drinking because she didn’t blame alcohol enough. I think she thought there was something wrong with her, not alcohol, and she wanted to escape her shame for a few hours and do something ‘normal’ people do. I didn’t see embracing this title gain her more support and help in her sobriety from her friends and family — I saw it freeze her into the role of black sheep, and an easy target.

My personal belief is that this word is a label that blames the person instead of the substance, and adds unnecessary, unfair and unhelpful shame and guilt — when we are already struggling with something that’s really really hard.

In my own sobriety I find it important to underscore that I’m a normal person, and a normal drinker, and that alcohol is dangerous and not good for me so I’m choosing to be really really careful with it. I choose this as a f**cking revolt against a culture devoted to the lie that red wine is good for us.

I think the term Alcoholic diverts our attention away from the reality that alcohol is bad for us. All of us — not just those of us who embrace a title. I wish we lived in a world that blamed alcohol more, regardless of where and how we drink it (I fully agree with you there) — and that we held the industry that pedals it accountable for the harm they (knowingly) profit from. And that we could ask for, and get, support without having a disease.